the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
