She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
