I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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