I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize