I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
