first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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