either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
