So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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