i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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