Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
