Got a toothbrush?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
