my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Randomize
