There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
