Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
