i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
