there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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