im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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