god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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