They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
