it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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