i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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