Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Please, let me fuck your mom
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just want to make out with him forever
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
