I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
