she was so not down for the gang bang
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
