people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
3pm strippers are depressing
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
