My hand turned me down
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Randomize
