He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
