When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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