around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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