i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
