She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
