I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
