My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
