youre lurking in front of me
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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