Don't make out with my wife yet
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
