how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
