Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
