U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
