I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
