he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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