can we get nightvision for the apartment?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
