genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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