he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
