roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
