were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
