i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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