the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
