you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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