He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I don't deserve a penis
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
