Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
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