his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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