when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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