just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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