Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
