12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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