So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
