i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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