are you still at the devil's house?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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