using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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