i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
