I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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