The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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