We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
