I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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