id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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