Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
