I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm sobbing to NWA
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
