$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
