I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
