Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
