thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just made out with a guy for $7.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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