We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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