whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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